Its best to be alone. To not hold any company close is a luxury. I don’t have a best friend, and i don’t want one. I don’t have a boyfriend, and the one i did want, didn’t want me back. So that’s life get over it. Noone can hurt me. I have company, friends here and there, and i know if I’m in desperate need they are there. I think it’s important to grasp an idea of what you want out of life before diving in the deep end. Where do you want to live one day? Do you want a family? What do you want to do for a job? I thought i knew or figured out the answers to these questions, and the truth is i have no fucking clue. Lifes enough hassle without worrying about the big stuff. 

“might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later.”

well im certainly not perfect

but your mum she dont deserve the hellos i give her

blood out of a stone 

would be an understatement

well maybe i’d get appreciation if i lose the nose ring?

but if i thought you were worth it

well your mothers approval 

i wouldve earned it

but i didnt deserve it, and thats that.

you told me she dont like lipstick

and i rubbed it off in an instant

but face made up or down

this aint going any place.

except back to my home. 

because home is where the heart is

and home is where my family is

and if you cant face meeting them

then i just cant face this.

dreading tomorrow. get it out of the way and i can finally start to feel normal again. looking forward to newmarket races on friday and going out!

I need looking after. Falling apart.

Thursday lauras leaving do with 241 cocktails and teriaki, friday a mini house party with my new housemate harrison and co. saturday night sweet house party at jasons with harrison, lara, silvio, and co. i am beat. time to calm down before payday. 

fuck off fuck off. disappearing again. cant stand this. fuck off

Hangover of the year.

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

There was one evening With you I’ll never forget and not for good reasons. I cooked a 3 course meal, we sat down to eat the main and she rang you. She rang you and you picked up the phone to have a conversation with her for 15 20 minutes while I sat at the table waiting for you. And you wonder why I was wary of her. The main reason I was such a shut book towards you.

everything you knew, everything you found out, you said you never judged me, but you did every fucking day. i could see it in your eyes. the disappointment, the hurt. everything. you were never going to be able to cope with it. noone ever thinks of the cause or reason why someone might do something, they just judge.

the arms of the ocean are carrying me

and all this devotion was rushing out of me

and the questions i have for a sinner like me

but the arms of the ocean deliver me.

never let me go, never let me go.